After The Darkness
by Kanzii
Summary: We used to fight because we had to, because there was little hope for the human race. Now we fight the demons within ourselves, a past we can't escape. But when it all comes out, where will that leave us then?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

My name is Kanziiella, and I'm twenty-four years old. Six years ago, my friends and I won a war, a war that would have meant the end of the human race. We had a long battle on our hands, for years, we fought and almost lost. After the war, we had to fight again, to recover a friend who was enslaved. But we won that too. Together, we abolished the yeerks, and regained control of Earth. But not before losing some of our own.

"Kanzii, Kanzii! Wake up!" Marco shouted as he shook my arm. I yelped and almost punched him square in the face. Still half asleep, I blinked and cleared my mind. Realizing it was Marco, I sat up slowly.

"Whoa kitten, no need to attack," he said softly. He pushed back the hair from my eyes and kissed me softly. Marco and I had gotten married two years after the end of the war. Since then, he's been my biggest support, and best friend. Even though he was a little too comical at times, he was the best thing that ever happened to me, even if he didn't know it.

"Sorry," I groaned as I pushed him away and ran for the bathroom. I made in just in time, and heaved violently. Nightmares always get to me. But this time, this time it wasn't just a nightmare, it was the past, the history of us Animorphs, rushing back to make sure I never, for a moment, forgot all we lost, all we sacrificed to save the human race.

"You okay?" Marco asked as I walked out of our master bathroom. I pulled on a huge, heavily worn sweatshirt. I'm sure he was remembering who gave it to me, and why. I'm sure he was once more, asking himself if I truly loved him as much as I swore to, or if marrying him was my way of escaping the nightmares.

"Yea. I have to find Tobias, though," I said softly. Tobias was the closest thing to a brother I have had, since the yeerks murdered my brother nine years earlier. "Today is the six year mark. I have to see him,"

"Alright, but how do you plan to find him? We haven't seen him in months," Marco said. For the first time in a long time, Marco was being serious.

"I'll call Jake. I'm sure he knows. If not, I'll go find him," I retorted. My head was pounding, and I didn't want to argue. I knew where Tobias normally was, but that didn't matter. On a day like today, as far as I knew, Tobias could have been hundreds of miles away.

"Alright, but before you morph, please, let me know. I'll be too worried to work if I don't know where you are," he said softly. He pulled me close, and kissed my head. Believe it or not, I was shorter than Marco by three inches, and it always seemed to work in his advantage.

"Will do," I said.

"Oh, and don't forget. Jake's mom is dropping off Jakilyn today. It's her birthday, and she wants to spend it with you," Marco added as I pulled on my old, very much worn, sneakers.

"I know. It's about time I take her anyway. She's six now, and god forbid she grows up oblivious to everything her birthday marks," I said sadly.

I grabbed my cell phone from Marco's car and started to walk down the street. I didn't know exactly where I was going, but I let my heart lead the way. I ended up in Jake's front yard. He lived only a mile away from Marco and I. On a farm that bordered the woods. Cassie's idea. I took a deep breath, then almost screamed when a huge wolf pup came bounding at me.

"Sorry Kanzii, this little guy got out and wouldn't stop," Cassie called breathlessly.

"It's alright. He friendly?" I asked. I reached down to grab his scruff so he couldn't escape again.

"Very," she said with a smile.

I nodded and picked him up. He went still in my arms as his DNA was absorbed into my body. I set him down, and held him in place, so Cassie wouldn't have to chase him anymore.

"So, what brings you down this far today?" Cassie asked.

"I'm looking for Jake, is he home?" I said simply. Cassie studied me curiously. She was smart, and of all of us, she could read a person a lot better than most.

"Mhm. He should be upstairs, go on in, you know you're always welcome. Just don't let Mia or Xena out. They both should be in the kitchen," Cassie said. Mia and Xena were their two kittens. Mia named after me, because I went missing during our last battle and they all thought I was dead, and Xena after Rachel, Jake's cousin, who never made it home.

I went in through the back door, and was greeted by the cats. I pushed past them and ran upstairs. I was getting dizzy. I wanted out. I wanted everything to be over.

"Jake?" I called softly as I knocked on his bedroom door.

"C'mon in Kanzii," he called.

I walked in and sat on the foot of his bed. He was sitting in a chair by the window, his head in his hands. I took a deep breath, trying to clear my head. Jake looked a lot older. He looked like an old man, compared to a man in his early twenties. I was the oldest of the group, but Jake, Jake was mentally older than all of us combined.

"I need to know where Tobias is," I said softly. "And before you object I-"

"He's at the cemetery. He said he'd be there most of the morning. By her grave," Jake said mechanically. He turned to face me, his eyes red and puffy. "And I'm coming with you," he added.

"Jake, I-" I started, then groaned. I pulled my knees to my chest and took deep breaths as the memories flashed quickly through my head.

_Kanziiella Rose! Get your butt out of there now! I am not losing anyone else today!_ _Jake had screamed. I felt my lungs fill with fire as the ship sank. I felt my world fall apart. _

_ Kanzii! C'mon! We can't lose you too! Tobias screamed._

_ My chest hurt. My head. Everything. My skin was burned to crisp. I could barely think._

_ Jake, give Jakilyn to your mom. She'll raise her. Tell her that she's my sister. Tell her that she needs a home. Tell her...Urgh. Tell her that her full name is Jakilyn Rachel Rose. S-she's not a controller. Her mother...My mother just had her before we all took off. Lucky me, I found her. I thought weakly. I had to make sure she was safe. I had to._

_ You'll be here to take care of her Kanz, you will, I know you will, Marco called. I could hear the pain in his voice. He was so sure of me, so sure that I could survive. I didn't want to break the news to him. I didn't want to tell him that there was no hope, that I would die today too._

_ I'll meet you on Earth, guys. I can't...I-I... I blacked out. Death was moments away. I knew that, and accepted it. I just had to let them know...I love you guys. I-I mean that. Fight till we're free..._

"Kanzii?" Jake said softly. He had moved to sit next to me, and pulled me into a tight hug. I took several deep breaths, my heart pounding. I blinked back tears. Jake didn't know. Jake still, to this day, didn't know all that happened on that ship. He only knew what I lived to tell. And that wasn't much. After the war was over, I ran. I ran and hid. I didn't want the truth to get out.

"I need to see Tobias," I said softly.

"I know, and I'm coming with you, whether you like it or not. Aside from Ax and Tobias, you know I don't let any of you go far, especially that far, alone," he said. And he was right. Cassie, Marco, and I haven't been more than a few miles away from Jake since the night we returned from saving Ax. That night, everything changed, for the better. Jake and Cassie finally got together, Marco and I got together, and we made a silent promise to never, ever, let our friendships die, just because the war was over. Tobias and Ax were the exceptions, because they were stronger. Well, Ax was. Tobias on the other hand, well he hadn't been able to cope. And it was better for him, at least, for the last few years, to recover in his own way. We all gave him that. Though that never stopped me from spying on him.

Jake and I quickly morphed into our birds of prey. Jake had called Marco, because I was too shaken to talk. Right then, I was a red-tailed hawk, in honor of Tobias, and Jake was a peregrine falcon, the same bird of prey he used in all the years we were fighting. I tried to concentrate and follow close behind him, but it wasn't as easy as it normally was.

See, years ago, we had to be careful. We couldn't all fly together, we had to keep a low profile. Now? Now, we're still heroes, and everyone knows it's us when they see six birds of prey flying together.

We reached the cemetery without any problems. I demorphed and quickly made my way to Rachel's grave. And as expected, Tobias was there. He was his human self. After the war had ended, we found a way to ensure he could regain his human form, and age like a normal person, while still being able to morph. He now had two normal bodies so to speak. He could stay human, or hawk, for as long as he'd like. Thanks to me making a risky deal with the Ellimist. But that story is for another day.

I sat down next to him, and laid my head on his shoulder. I said nothing. He and I were close enough to understand how hard today was. Today marked six years since Rachel was killed, Tom, Jake's brother, was killed, the war ended, and for me, a much harder to swallow outcome. But no one, not even our fearless leader, knew. It hurt too much to admit it, even to myself.

"What's wrong Kanz?" Tobias asked. He turned me slightly, so I was facing him. "I mean, other than the obvious."

"I-I...I was just thinking about my mom," I said softly.

"Oh crap! We never...we never got her, did we?" He asked softly.

"I got her...I mean...I-I..." I started, then started crying. I couldn't admit it. I couldn't.

"What Kanz? You can tell me, what happened?" Tobias said softly. He pulled me close, and let me cry into his chest until I was able to calm down.

"I had to kill my mother, in order to try and save Tom and Rachel. And I failed." I cried.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I morphed into an ocelot. My favorite wild cat morph as of lately. I haven't morphed into a tiger, or a lion, or a mountain lion, since the last battle. I couldn't bare the strength or power those morphs gave. I simply couldn't. The ocelot on the other hand, was smaller, a predator and a prey at the same time. It felt fear. It felt the sheer power and strength, but it also knew fear. It was exactly like me.

"Kanzii? Is that you?" Jakilyn called. I didn't realize she was here. I didn't realize Jake's mother would let her come to the cemetery alone. Though I should have. Jake's mom knew that Jakilyn wasn't fully human, and she accepted that she was a lot more advanced and mature than a normal six year old girl.

Yes, Jakey, morph kitten, I'll take you for a fast run, I said. Jakilyn loved running with me, or flying with Tobias, but she normally wasn't allowed to. Jake's mom was more concerned about her learning how to be normal. Jakilyn was placed in 7th grade at the age of six, so she didn't exactly classify as normal.

Jakilyn's mother was my mother. But Jakilyn and I did not share the same father. Though I wasn't fully human either. My father was an Andalite, just like Jakilyn's, but our fathers were from different sides. Visser Three/One was her father. He used his stolen Andalite body to...well do the deed with my mother, who was enslaved by a yeerk herself, and in the end, it ended up with Jakilyn being born. Half Andalite, half human. I on the other hand, am the daughter of Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, Ax's older brother, and Tobias's father. So when I say Tobias is the closest thing to a brother I've had since my own was murdered, I mean that seriously. Tobias and I are half siblings. I know, weird.

But unlike my younger brother, Jakilyn and I have been able to morph since birth. Somehow, we got lucky. We haven't figured out if it was passed by gender, or what, but either way, Jakilyn is almost a carbon copy of myself. She's small, with light brown hair and deep blue eyes. She has dimples that make any adult coo over her. She can get her way, simply for being the sweetest child alive. But that's not how she acts. She's sweet, because she knows that her life, her being alive, is a miracle. I had taken a huge risk snatching her from our mother's arms, but it was a risk I had to take.

Jakilyn was named after Jake and Rachel, in honor of all they both gave for our mission, and the human race. She idolizes Jake, and looks up to him like an older brother, and in a way, her own person idol. She always tells people how much she wants to grow up and be exactly like her "uncle Jake".

"I don't want to run today. I want you to talk to Tobias. Daddy told me that you were upset, and Mommy, let's be real, you're a mess," she said. Even though she knows Marco and I are not her parents, and that I am actually her half sister, when she wants her own way, she'll kiss up by calling Marco and I her parents.

Fine. Listen, Marco should be at the house still, morph something with wings, and be careful, alright Jakey? I'll be home soon, I said. I gave her the "or else" look and she dashed off to morph a red-tailed hawk. She loved the power that morph gave her, but she always has me worried when I see her as one. I am terrified she'll end up like Tobias did in the very beginning.

I demorphed and watched the sky until I saw a red-tailed hawk fly overhead. She was slightly larger than Tobias's morph, and I knew that it was Jakilyn. Though she was young, she was not stupid, and wouldn't disobey me on a day like today. I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair. Though I knew I looked like crap, I wasn't going to let that stop me from at least trying, in honor of Rachel, to look a little less like a depressed, lost dog.

"There you are. I was wondering if you left for good," Tobias said softly when he saw me walk out from behind a tree. On my way back to him, I had stopped at Tom's grave. Though his body was never recovered, due to him dying in his snake morph, we still had a memorial placed, against many of the town's preferences. I hadn't killed my mother for nothing, you know?

"Naw, I was going to run for a while, but Jakilyn stopped me," I whispered. I looked at Tobias. My heart broke when I saw the sadness in his eyes. Somehow, I knew he was far from okay, still, after all these years.

"Well, I'm glad you stayed. Jake told me you wanted to talk?" He said softly. He took my hand and led me a ways away from the grave sites, to a heavily worn picnic bench.

"That night...So much happened that night, Tobias, I don't even know where to begin...I've kept most of the truth from everyone. Even Jake and Marco...Even Ax. Even when Jake made me swear that I remembered nothing, I couldn't tell him the truth, you know? Sometimes, you see something, or do something, that you just want to forget, forever," I said softly. I felt my hands tremble. I felt my heart start to race, and I felt the world begin to sway.

"Kanzii, focus. Breathe," Tobias said softly. He pulled me close, so my head was resting on his chest. He rubbed my back softly. The way he did after everything was over. I was the only one he'd talk to. He knew more of the truth that anyone else, and I was the only one he didn't blame, even in the beginning.

"My mother wanted to kill Tom. She said he was pure evil, she said he threatened Jakilyn. She swore that he was plotting with Rachel to overthrow Jake and eliminate us all. I couldn't let her get away with a threat like that, controller or not," I said in barely a whisper.

"But when you agreed to go with Rachel, you said you were only going in to get your mom out alive. You made it clear that you weren't going to risk getting your mom back, and that you weren't concerned about anyone else. Not Tom, not Rachel, not anyone," Tobias said slowly.

"I wasn't going to let Tom and Rachel be killed because of my mother, just because she was being controlled by a half starved, completely psychotic yeerk. I know Jake sent Rachel in to kill Tom, but that didn't mean...I didn't want..." I couldn't finish. I broke into tears, shaking violently. Tobias hugged me tight. He seemed to understand.

"You didn't want to believe her. You wanted to get Rachel out alive. But why not let your mother kill Tom?" He asked gently, not accusing me of anything.

"Because. My mother was going to shoot Rachel in the head, while Tom was in her mouth," I said simply. "She was going to, in a sense, kill two birds with one stone,"

"Oh man. No wonder you...Kanzii, why didn't you tell anyone? We wouldn't have...oh man!" He shook his head, trying to take in what I just told him.

"Tobias, I wanted to save them all. All three of them. But it didn't work that way. Tom...well Tom was beyond saving. Jake saw that. Jake accepted that. I couldn't. I've seen Jake fight so freaking hard to save him, only to quit at the very end. I've seen Jake cry for him. That isn't something you easily forget. As for my mother, I'd known she was doomed since the beginning. I accepted that when I finally saw her true intentions. But I had to try. I had to try to save someone. If I hadn't been attacked...if I hadn't been half dead, on the brink of bleeding to death, I could have saved Rachel. I could have gotten her out alive. But I was greedy. I was worried about making it out alive myself. I was too worried about living to sacrifice myself for Rachel. I blew it. I blew it big time, because I had a newborn sister to raise, a team to make sure got out alive...Being Jake's second in command, that was the hardest part. Knowing that if I didn't survive, I'd never know for certain that you, Jake, Marco, Cassie, Ax...God, the human race made it out of that alive. I had to know. I couldn't die without knowing we won...And by being so selfish...by being so self absorbed, I lost. I lost Rachel. I lost the closest thing to a sister I ever knew. Jakilyn? She's practically my daughter. I'd trade her life and my own, ten times over if it would bring Rachel back. I'd give up everything I know and love, to have her back. I'd kill a million humans, shit, I'd wipe out the human race, if it meant having Rachel back with us right now," I cried. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe, but I couldn't get enough air. I gasped, and felt the world sway. I listened as my heart hammered in my chest, as my lungs cried for air.

_Oh god. I'm dying. _I thought weakly. _I'm going to die after all. Six years later, and the Grimm Reaper is going to take me. I should have known that I had gotten too lucky._

The world flashed red, then white, then black. I knew no more.


End file.
